Something that has been depressing me is that I feel like I have failed to be the female society thinks I should now be, and that I am not trying hard enough. One example would be with my voice. With alot of practice and hard work I could make my voice sound much more female, but I choose not to. Talking in a female pitch makes me feel like my social interactions are superficial and that im not expressing myself naturally. When I am using my natural voice I feel like people really get to know me more for who I really am. This exact same problem presents itself in other forms too. For example with my personality, or my gentiles. If I changed my personality slightly to match female stereotypes, or my gentiles to match the female sex then society would be more accepting of my condition. But why am I not aloud to express my gender how I want and not be judged? I think I should be aloud to have a deep voice and a penis and people should still respect that I identify as a female, and AM a female.
The trade off is this, I either conform completely to female gender roles and stereotypes at the expense of my happiness, comfort and well being, or I can express my gender how I wish at the expense of other peoples comfort.
I think I am going to start placing my happiness first, and express myself how I feel is natural. This means I will not alter my voice, my gentiles or my personality unless I feel that is the more natural alternative. I am my own being, and I will express myself how I please. And quite frankly I am in a place were I am happy with my self expression.
